Sulfur & Sleighbells: A Christmas Story

[Glockenspiel]

Heed this tale of warning, friends
Lest you and loved ones grieve
Hear what came to pass, one dark
And frosty Christmas Eve

[Verse 1]

With festive paper strewn around
From floor to windowsill
I dozed on the sofa though
I should have been wrapping still

Until a nearby sound did make
Me start and wake with fright
And as I lifted eyelids I
Beheld a wondrous sight

I saw him red and trimmed with fur
My very heart did pause
Without a thought I blurted out
Might you be Santa Claus?

He turned at this and I beheld
His scarlet, scaly face
Beneath his hat’s own woolly brim
Two horns were fixed in place

[Chorus 1]

Harken friends, for here’s a truth
That few can safely tell!
The fact that Father Christmas is
The burning prince of Hell!

[Verse 2]

Come now, just how obvious
Must the connection be?
Between ‘Saint Nick’ and ‘Old Nick’
Is a linkage clear to see

And if you take the time to read
With an unbiased eye
It’s apparent that ‘Santa’
Is ‘Satan’ spelled awry

So evident was his enjoyment
Of my shaken state
That he decreed I’d ride with him
That night, as his first mate

A cold fear gripped my heart, and
Though I truly longed to flee
I felt that I could do naught else
But quietly agree

[Chorus 2]

Harken friends, the wise will know
If you have aught to lose
When Lucifer demands you ride
It’s best you don’t refuse!

[Verse 3]

He pulled me up the chimney
Until on the tiles I lay
To stare in horror at the beasts
Which drew his dreadful sleigh

Their faces looked like rotted dogs
With muzzles pulled too long
Their limbs like knotted leather
Decayed but wiry-strong

Upon the ends of each were found
Shaggy, ape-like hands
Their sightless eyes had gazed too long
On barren, burning lands

He bade me sit beside him
And he urged them to take flight
That bone-sleigh drawn by monsters
Dashed on into the night

[Chorus 3]

He told me of his work and the
Connection I had missed:
The book of sinners overlapping
With the ‘Naughty List’

[Verse 4]

Then we began descending and
our first visit was made
By a humble fireplace
the children’s gifts were laid

That stop was quickly followed by
Another just the same
And I concluded, maybe
I’d misjudged the Devil’s game

For, zig-zagging the globe, the prince
Of sin flew far and near
And left behind a mountain of
Unopened Christmas cheer

With a grin, he’d heft up high
The present-laden sack
Hard work a festive spirit
Kept this Christmas Eve on track

[Chorus 4]

Could it be, I asked myself
The Lord of pain and spite?
Might walk a path of goodness
Every year this hallowed night?

[Verse 5]

After we’d delivered gifts to
Every listed drop
Satan declared we’d fly on
For to make a final stop

We set down near a country house
On ground the snow had froze(n)
The Demon king approached his beasts
And touched one on the nose

The skin-rope reins first fell away
As it writhed and convulsed
Great shapes moved, wild, beneath its skin
Its bones twisted and pulsed

With a sound like raw meat tearing did
A smaller form emerge
Spewed forth in the monster’s dying breath
Onto the snowy verge

[Chorus 5]

A weeping form which I realised
Could only be a child
I turned to face the Devil
And in the dark, he smiled

[Verse 6]

“Go now,” he called past me
“Once more, boy, you are free
You’ve paid your penance now for having
laid your eyes on me.

Your parents long have prayed that you’d
return to them some day
That day is now: you’ve served for twelve
Long years before the sleigh.”

Panicked – and yet grateful – the boy
Did as he was told
And as I watched the child flee
My own blood ran ice-cold

For twelve numbered the beasts who gave
The bony sled full flight
I realised I must pay for
Fixing Satan in my sight

[Glockenspiel]

An eerie sense of pow’rlessness
Washed o’er me like a wave
I knew within my heart I would become
His monstrous slave

Thus, without more words I let him
Fix me to the reins
And felt the tearing in my flesh
The burning in my veins

Now I must draw forth his sleigh
To barren, burning lands
But first I’ve scrawled this note with sightless
Eyes and ape-like hands

Convey it to my wife – tell her
I never meant to leave
But the darkest lord has claimed me
on this frosty Christmas Eve